Well...
Being a beer league goalie I've heard my fair share of dirty talk all over the ice, the changeroom, the parking lot, the pub...damn, it's part of every game. However, when it comes to bringing a little 'dirty talk' into the bedroom with your partner, well...that's another matter. If you've ever considered or WANTED to try this out, check our new article provided by Duncan Roberts for EVE of ClubEden - you might just learn a few new moves! Enjoy...PuckGobbler.
Here's a tricky question for you:
You think or believe that you could spice up your love life if you introduce talking dirty into the bedroom.
But the one thing you are not sure about is what sort of reaction your boyfriend / girlfriend / lover is going to give when you suddenly start whispering sweet suggestive nothings into their ear.
Will they suddenly stiffen in anticipation, body quivering with unleashed desire? Maybe they'll lie back, eyes closed and a hint of a smile playing on their lips? Or will they turn red then maroon, look at you as though you have just confessed to killing and boiling Peter Rabbit and stalk off, never to be seen again?
Until you try - you just can't really tell for sure.
But you can do a couple of things to introduce them to the idea without offending in any great way. 'Softly, softly, catchee monkey' as the old saying goes.
So instead of launching yourself at them, obscenities flowing at a rate of knots, try one of these approaches instead.
When together relaxing, watching TV or reading, try reading them a saucy excerpt from something. Gauge their reaction and see how it affects them. If they sit up, straighten up or look around with interest - carry on. But if they seem indifferent or disgusted, stop with no further comment needed.
Now about this point in the advice you'll be thinking, "How the heck can I read them something saucy as an excerpt from the book I'm reading, it's all about flange differentials in a grommet engine block?" Fear not and don't panic.
Casually, swap your reading material for a magazine - either a man's magazine like GQ or Maxim (NOT Mayfair or Penthouse!!) and if a woman, for Cosmo or Elle or something. Secreted inside is a page on which you have written/copied/printed a saucy excerpt from a raunchy novel. This way it appears that you are reading from the magazine and are innocent of any intent! You're just reading them something from your magazine.
This works incredibly well, trust me. If your partner does not like dirty talk then they will not think less of you for the reading. You've got your answer and no harm done. If they DO like it - great, get stuck in!
Another trick to try is to send them a dirty text. This works well for two reasons - number one, they read the text and then have time to think it over and mull it around in their heads. They may well find that their initial reaction of shock and horror changes to one of interest and mild arousal. It also means that if they don't like it and are shocked, you can claim a moment of insanity and weirdness, never to be repeated. Being separated from each other at the point of delivery saves anyone getting a visual confirmation of your intent. If they can't see your eyes when they read it, they can't say for sure it's not just a moment of weird behavior.
You will have a hunch deep down as to whether your partner is up for hearing dirty talk. Think back to their reaction when nudity was shown in films or on TV. If they seem offended by that, steer well clear of talking dirty. But if they perk up and enjoy nudity - a form of expression - then 9/10 will move onto enjoying dirty talk fairly easily.
For more great articles on sexual and general health, and ways to improve your game on AND off the ice, visit www.FarParker.com!
